Divorce, Remarriage, and Blending Families

Divorce, remarriage, stepfamilies, blending families, and all the struggles that follow is what we discussed in class this week. Which was the last week of my Family Relations class since the semester has now ended...it's a little bittersweet. I have enjoyed writing this blog and I hope to maybe continue it as I learn more things about the family. I have enjoyed all the topics we got a chance to dive deep into. The topic of divorce, remarriage, and blending families is a topic that hits home for me. I have a lot of opinions and experiences that align with the research that has been done and have observed some of the effects divorce has had on my own siblings. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my dad remarried shortly after that. I gained three new siblings and another mom that day. It was very difficult at first and I did not want to share my dad. But as time went on, I learned to love and accept them as my siblings and mother. I still had my biological mom who I loved, adored, and who could never be replaced, but now I had two moms to help me get through any of the girl troubles I was having. This may make my family sound perfect, like things go smoothly all the time, or like we don't have problems and strains, but that is far from true. It took time for the family to blend and we still struggle from day to day like any normal family. For this blog post I want to discuss aspects of divorce, remarriage, and blending families specifically guidelines for blending families.

The first thing I want to touch on is that there is a lot of misinformation out there about divorce and many get the wrong idea about marriage through that misinformation. The divorce rate is actually at about 24% rather than the 50% that we always hear about when people discuss divorce. Which gives people the idea that their marriages are doomed from the beginning and puts them in the mindset that divorce is normal and natural. Divorce is not normal or natural! Marriage is hard and it takes work but if you are willing to work with your spouse you can make it through anything that is thrown at you. So many people today have this idea that if it's broken throw it away and buy a new one. People aren't willing to work to fix things and instead are alright with having a starter marriage. It is views and ideas like that that make me sad for people. 70% of Americans two years after their divorce expressed that they thought they could and should have saved their marriage. Many wished that they had not gotten a divorce and tried harder to work through their differences. Now I do understand that there are times when a divorce is necessary, those circumstances include abuse, addiction, adultery, and abandonment. Divorce doesn't just affect the ones in the marriage it affects all who are around them, especially the children. That is why it is so important to work hard for your marriage and only go through divorce after thinking it completely through. Fireproof is great movie for this topic and I highly recommend all married couples watch it together, even if you are not on the brink of divorce.

After divorce many people get remarried which brings in a whole new set of struggles and problems. It creates a new family dynamic and brings new family members into the home. Remarriage could bring stepparents, step-siblings, half siblings, different rules, different house, etc. into the family and it can be hard for both sides to adjust. There are also those who don't get remarried after divorce and that comes with its own struggles and problems too. A single mom or dad try to balance work and being there for their children. But for those who remarry and bring children into that marriage it can be hard to blend families and for children to get used to their stepparent. It is a very hard thing to do and takes a lot of time and patience. I have watched my dad and stepmom try to figure out how to blend families and the struggles we have had throughout the years. But the great thing is there are guidelines for blending families. The first guideline is that you need to accept that is will take about two years to reach normalcy in the family. The next is that the biological parent should do all the heavy disciplining. The third is that the stepparent should be similar to an awesome aunt or uncle. This awesome aunt or uncle is not one that lets you get away with everything, but is one that loves, supports, accepts, and encourages you. They are also great listeners, give wise counsel, and let the biological parent know about anything that is going on. The last guideline is that the couple needs to counsel together and do so more often than other couples.

I have thoroughly enjoyed this semester and writing this blog. I have learned so much about the family and will continue to advocate for marriage and the family. Thank you for reading!:)