Intimacy and Infidelity

The topic in class this week was sexual intimacy and family life. Sexual intimacy is a very delicate and sensitive topic for many people. When discussing intimacy, we must approach it with the understanding that it is sacred and must be talked about honestly. For this reason, I will only discuss it for a little part of this blog post. The other thing that we discussed was the different types of infidelity and protecting your marriage from infidelity. These topics are extremely important for people to understand in order to have a strong marriage and work through difficult times. I think it is important to understand the differences between males and females especially when it comes to sexual intimacy. It is important to remember that a marriage and marital intimacy should not be about yourself but about wanting to serve your spouse and about togetherness with your spouse.

Sex is a way to bring children into this world, but it is also a way to connect with your spouse on many different levels (physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually). It can be a source of joy and an expression of love for one another. But it can be a touchy and almost painful thing for people to talk about or express. The world has made sexual intimacy out to be this dirty, scary, secret, and unrealistic thing. When in reality it is a sacred, special, beautiful, and pure thing when done in the right context (out of love and selflessness) and under the right requirements (marriage). When we truly understand that sexual intimacy is a beautiful thing, treat it that way, and teach that to our children then many wouldn't feel shame, guilt, and uncomfortable when they have sex with their spouse. It is also important to know the differences between women and men when it comes to what they need in sexual intimacy. Wives need to feel close, warm, and safe in order to want to have sex with their husbands. Whereas husbands want to have sex to feel close, warm, and safe with their wives. When both spouses understand that then more of a connection can form.

Now I want to discuss infidelity in a marriage and the four different types. When most people think of someone having an affair or being unfaithful, they think of sexual affair. But that is only one of the four affairs that could occur, and some people don't even realize that certain thoughts or acts are considered infidelity. The four types of affairs are determined through whether the attachment in the relationship is detached or attached and whether the involvement is emotional or physical (I will put a chart below to help you visualize this better). When a person is having an affair that is emotional and detached it is called a fantasy affair. In this kind of an affair a person has romantic thoughts about someone other than their spouse. This person they are fantasizing about usually has no idea that this is going on, could be someone they have never met, and even could be a fictional character. The fantasy affair is one that many don't realize is going on until they look back and realize their thoughts are centered around someone other than their spouse. Women tend to be the ones who are more susceptible to a fantasy affair. The next kind of affair is a visual affair which when an affair is physical and detached. This is usually something like pornography where they aren't directly involved with someone but are seeking physical release. Many people think that viewing pornography is something only men do (men do view it more than women) but women look at porn as well. The next one is when someone is emotional and attached in an affair which is called a romantic affair. The person in a romantic affair is romantically and emotionally involved with someone other than their spouse. It is as if they have another life and use this affair to escape their ordinary life. The last one is the attached and physical affair which is the sexual affair. This is the one that most people think of when they hear about affairs and it deals with a person having sex with someone who isn't their spouse. No matter what type of affair occurs it is still extremely damaging to a marriage and to each spouse individually.

Relational Attachment	Types of Involvement
		Emotional	Physical
	Detached	Fantasy	Visual
	Attached	Romantic	Sexual

The best way to protect you and your spouse from infidelity is by setting boundaries and rules with each other about the opposite sex. It is important to monitor your thoughts and remember to keep them focused on your spouse. Don't privately text those of the opposite sex and don't disclose deep personal information to the opposite sex. Don't drive alone with a member of the opposite sex and don't meet with the opposite sex alone. It is best to try and avoid these situations at any point and other situations that put you alone with the opposite sex. If you do get put in one of these situations talk with your spouse and be open and honest with them about things.

Thank you for reading and please feel free to comment!:)

(The chart is from an article we read titled "Infidelity: Protecting Our Marriages" By Scott Gardner and Christian Greiner.)