Wedding, Marriage, Kids, and Happily Ever After

For class this week we discussed weddings, the beginning of marriage, marriage throughout the years, and difficulties that could arise in marriage. I want to mainly discuss the patterns we create with our spouses and a few of the transitions that occur in marriage. I enjoyed the readings and discussions we had in class this week because it opened my eyes to things I need to be aware of as my marriage continues to grow and as we have children together. My husband and I come from different families who do things differently, so we have to decide what things we want to do or not do. Which is something that everyone has to do when they get married in order for things to work in a marriage and as parents. Marriage takes work and dedication, but it is worth every second to put forth that effort.

The first thing I want to briefly touch on is how much time, money, effort, and dedication we put in to making our weddings perfect. Most girls think about their dream wedding from a young age and start planning what their dress will look like and many other details. As they grow up their ideas become a little more realistic and less childish, but it is still constantly on their mind. If they use social media many girls will create a Pinterest board strictly dedicated to wedding ideas and follow all kinds of bridal accounts on all forms of social media. How do I know this is what happens? I know because my friends and I did just that as young girls and teenagers. We and many other women around the world put so much emphasis on that one single day and don't realize that there is a whole lifetime of marriage afterward. But that lifetime of marriage really should have more emphasis, preparation, and effort put on it. If we prepared more for the marriage itself, we might gain skills to better help us deal with conflict, communicate more efficiently, and work together through good and bad times. I know I put a lot of effort and thought into my wedding day and I wanted it to be great. I know I should've put more effort into preparing for my marriage, but I am grateful that I have an opportunity to take classes that can help me to be a better wife and mother. 

The next thing I want to talk about is the patterns we create with our spouse. Although we may not have realized it then or even now, we create patterns with our spouse that start during courtship and engagement. We unintentionally create a pattern of how we make decisions together and solve problems. This is done through deciding what to do for a date or coming up with a solution when it rains on the day you were going to go for a hike. We also create a pattern of how and what we say to each other (communication). These patterns then carry over into the marriage and essentially stay the same. In the first little bit of marriage you also create other patterns since you now live together, and you are trying to mix your two lives together. These patterns could be anywhere from how you greet each other to if you eat at the table or on the couch in front of the TV. It is important to be aware of the patterns that are being created because some patterns aren't always the best and they can be hard to break out of. 

The last thing I want to discuss is the transition from being husband and wife to being father and mother. This is actually a bigger adjustment than many people think. It is the biggest adjustment in a marriage for a few reasons. The first reason is there are expectations that we didn't realize we had before, like who will change the poopy diapers or who will get up in the middle of the night to tend to the crying baby. The second reason is that we are trying to merge our family backgrounds and deciding what we will and will not do. Another reason is the wife starts to change and grow into a mother trying to take care of the baby inside while the husband is left out of the experience. Moms tend to turn to other women who they can talk to and understand what they are going through. When really, they should be turning to their husbands and letting them be a part of every aspect of the pregnancy and birth. When husbands are involved it allows the marital relationship to grow and become stronger. The birth of a child is special and can be an intimate experience for the couple. Moms should encourage dads to come to as many doctors' appointments as they can and describe the different experiences she is having to him. When he is included in all aspects of the pregnancy, birth, and care of the baby the husband and wife are able to draw closer together and are less likely to experience lowered marital satisfaction. 

Thank you for reading and please feel free to comment! :)